Film Review – Movie 43 (2013): Jordan’s Take

movie-43-image-06

By Jordan

Directed by Peter Farrelly (and many more undoubtedly embarrassed individuals)

Starring Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Naomi Watts, Halle Berry (and many more undoubtedly embarrassed individuals)

On the back of the DVD for Mulholland Drive, David Lynch was kind enough to provide a list of helpful clues for the cinematic journey ahead, these included: ‘Pay particular attention to the beginning of the film: at least two clues are revealed before the credits,’ Notice appearances of the red lampshade’ and ‘Who gives a key, and why?’ As you’ll agree, these are quite vague and misleading.

Allow me to provide my own list in relation to viewing Movie 43, entitled: ‘How to Watch Movie 43:’

  1. Insert disk (preferably blu-ray, you’ll want the Gerard Butler Leprechaun to look as crisp as possible) into player.
  2. Press play.
  3. Fast Forward to the aforementioned scene in which Gerard Butler plays a psychotic, potty-mouthed Leprechaun. Mildly chuckle.
  4. Fast Forward to the end credits. Close your eyes and slowly shake your head, thus shaming the individuals involved in the making of this atrocity.
  5. Watch ‘Beezel,’ the segment after the credits starring Elizabeth Banks and Josh Duhamel. Throw up in your mouth.
  6. Remove disk.

(If you’re feeling particularly mischievous, it’s also OK to send a text to some friends who have never heard of the movie, telling them it’s brilliant and a must-see. Thus hopefully making them spend money and effort to rent – or in the best case scenario – buy it).

I have discovered the best way to tell if a comedy is considered funny or not, check for how many quotes from it are listed on IMDB. For this, there is one quote… and it’s not funny.

Movie 43 is unfortunately no longer a rarity in the cinema world; a film with absolutely no vision, direction, nuances, subtlety, likability, intuitiveness, humour, longevity or distinction. I’m reminded instantly of other recent anthology type films such as Valentine’s Day and New York, I Love You, as well as ‘spoofs’ such as the entire Scary Movie franchise and it’s spin-offs. What’s different however about Movie 43 is that a variable smorgasbord or respected actors and actresses have lined up to take part… I’d hate to think they actually believed the material they were contributing to was funny – especially Naomi Watts, one of the best actresses of her generation, who plays an awful role in undoubtedly the worst segment of a very bad bunch, wherein she and her husband, Liev Schreiber, attempt to give their home-schooled son the ‘complete high school experience.’

Other particularly disastrous scenes include: a game of truth or dare taken too far (shame on you Stephen Merchant), Richard Gere defending his companies new ‘iBabe’ product and a bunch of young children performing slave labour inside various vending machines.

The one positive I’m happy to state about this mess is that through Hugh Jackman, and his unique anatomical appearance in the first segment, the audience is made aware of exactly what the next 90 minutes will contain. You would do well to watch the first 2 minutes of this segment through curiosity (which I’m fully aware is what this review will inspire) and then wash your eyes with the finest Dove soaps, and perhaps watch a Carl Reiner/Steve Martin comedy such as The Man with Two Brains to restore your faith in the genre. After all, comedy, ladies and gentlemen, is a fantastic film category; I’m just not exactly certain this is comedy… in fact I think I’m as uncertain of what it is as its directors, producers and actors obviously were upon creating it.

It has been suggested that Movie 43 may become a cult film in future years, and due to the fact that scarcely is a movie this bad, this may be true. There is a certain appeal in seeing Greg Kinnear and Dennis Quaid star in the weakest wrap-around plot of any anthology film ever made (including the very weak V/H/S). But for a cult film to exist it must be viewed and discussed repeatedly by a dedicated fan-base… I can’t see anyone watching this twice.

0.5 bowls of guacamole out of 5

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4 responses to “Film Review – Movie 43 (2013): Jordan’s Take

  1. My god this film was awful. Almost makes you wonder if that is precisely the goal with making it, though. Surely, not.

  2. Pingback: The Best and Worst of 2013: Jordan’s Take | Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)·

  3. Pingback: Jordan and Eddie – Celebrating 2 Years of The Movie Guys | Jordan and Eddie (The Movie Guys)·

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