Film Review – The Last Stand (2013)

Last Stand - post

Title – The Last Stand (2013)

Director – Kim Jee-Woon (The Good, The Bad, The Weird)

Cast – Arnold Schwarzenegger, Johnny Knoxville, Luis Guzman, Peter Stormare, Forest Whitaker

Plot – Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega) a wanted fugitive is racing authorities to the border of Mexico. All that stands in his way is the small town of Sommerton and it’s sheriff’s department led by Ray Owens (Schwarzenegger). Ray must lead his group of lawmen including Lewis Dinkum (Knoxville) and Mike Figuerola (Guzman) and get them ready to stop Gabriel at all costs.

“You’re talking to a 72 year-old man with high cholesterol, eating a bacon and cheddar omelette with extra cheddar. Do I look like I’m afraid of death?”

Review by Eddie on 2/7/2013

It was with welcome arms (but not open wallets if the box office takings speak the truth) and many a nostalgic heart that the movie going public welcomed back Arnie to the big screen with his first centrepiece roll post Governator duties. It’s a shame then that this brazenly dull film heralds the once great action man’s return to leading man deployment.

Directed with not enough energy and originality by Korean Kim Jee-Woon The Last Stand offers nothing to the action dinner table other than your run of the mill bad guys (Stormare and Noriega), slight comic relief bit players (Knoxville and Guzman) and Arnie just pretty much looking much too old for this type of caper. The film glides on autopilot, almost for the entire run time it seems to be building up ever so slowly to the titled last stand by Arnie and co, a major flaw of the film it seems was to think we wanted talking and not more action.

The action in The Last Stand (when it finally comes) is enough to bring the film out of the cliché doldrums but not enough to excuse the excruciatingly lame and tame start to movie. The characters in the film don’t allow or do enough for the viewer to care in any way shape or form and when the best actor in the piece is Johnny Knoxville sporting a vast variety of comical hats and chopping down lamp polls your film is in trouble especially when there are superior actors in Guzman and Whitaker being outclassed. Even Arnie himself can’t save the day.

Arnie’s performance in the movie is pretty much a showcase for don’t care attitude. The great man’s ability to make one line matter is even dis-heartedly not a reality here and it seems the movie was more concerned in Arnie’s fake tan that encouraging a more likeable and fun performance from the depths of his hulking frame. When you’re not laughing at Arnie dispatching bad guys with a seemingly endless barrage of bullets you know something is not quite right.

The Last Stand is nothing more than a slightly entertaining Friday night pizza and a movie flick, a movie that in the end just looks embarrassing on an action man’s CV that includes The Terminator, Predator or even The Expendables.

2 bottles of Arnie’s personnel collection of fake tan out of 5

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11 responses to “Film Review – The Last Stand (2013)

  1. Well, I like it more than you, but in terms of Arnold’s filmography, I’d probably place it somewhere in the middle. I hope we can both agree it’s at least better than Raw Deal.

    • Agreed dear Sir! I thought the actual “last stand” was quite entertaining just the lead in and other aspects made it feel overall to meh. Let’s hope the Escape Plan can be a slight bit more entertaining! (Eddie)

      • I refuse to call it The Escape Plan. The Tomb is a 500% better title.

        But in The Last Stand, I loved when Arnold literally cut a guy in half with the mini gun. Good stuff.

      • The Tomb does sound quite a bit more intersting – I must say my hopes for a fun b grade movie have been slightly dashed after seeing the trailer and the futuristic take on prision – still lets hope the great dinosaurs of the action genre can come up with the goods.

        Highlight in The Last Stand – death by flair gun

      • Oh shit, I didn’t know there was a trailer for The Tomb. Must check that out post-haste.

        Yesss, flair gun death was awesome. The granny killing the dude was also notable.

      • I just watched the trailer, and I dunno, I thought it looked like a lot of fun. Arnold and Sly in the same movie…let me see…yes, please.

  2. Even though this movie was rather lacking, I am just happy to see a resurgence of the 80s action movie genre. I grew up watching those and am happy to see that we are finally done with the rom coms and back to the butt kicking

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